Growing up my parents always told myself and my twin brother about their lives at university. You could hear the excitement in their voices when they spoke about their experiences; the best of which was the day they met each other. But that’s a story for another day. They had a tough time having children so when we came into the world, they made it a priority to spend quality time with us. I am forever grateful to them for their love and care.
As a result of their numerous stories, I decided I would go to their university as well. I remember my first days there. I was so naive. But with some good friends and time, I adjusted to the system and things went pretty well afterwards. I believe it was after my second class at the university that the professor called me to discuss something privately in his office. At first, I was a little worried because I was wondering if I was too forward during the lecture. But when I got to his office, he assured me that all was well. He then asked me my name and I when I told him he said “I knew it, you look just like him”. Before I got a chance to ask what he was referring to, he mentioned my dad’s name and asked if I was his son. I said yes. He explained that they went to school together and had since lost touch. I also remember him stating that my dad was a “G” and laughing so loudly. He asked me to reconnect them and I did after a conversation with my dad.
I believe it was a few weeks later when I bumped into a Dean while I was heading out to lunch with my friends. She said I looked familiar and asked for my name. When I told her she asked me to repeat my last name. I did and with some reluctance she asked to confirm my dad’s name and when I told her she screamed with a little bit of disappointment on her face. I was confused, but when I asked if everything was ok she shut me down and wandered off. Later that day I remember calling my dad to explain both occurrences to him and he just brushed them off and asked me about my friends and when I’d be coming home next.
But some weeks later, I had another similar experience. Being that this occurred again, I felt like there was more to this story. So when I got home after the school year ended, I spoke to my dad about all 3 experiences and he explained that there are somethings that are better left unsaid. He said “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” and I should assume that his past is Vegas. I think I had only one other situation like these after the talk with my dad. But at that point, I didn’t care anymore. Few years later, I graduated and within the next two years I was done with my NYSC (National Youth Service Corps: a mandatory program for graduates in Nigeria).
Within 6 months, I got a good job with a global technology company in Lagos, Nigeria. About 9 years later, I was promoted to “Head of Partnerships” role. It was an exciting time for myself and my family. To celebrate, my boss scheduled lunch for the people in my department for the following day. She made a reservation at a restaurant in Ikoyi’s brand new hotel, which is allegedly the most expensive hotel. I decided to leave earlier than usual that day to get my hair cut and buy a new outfit for the celebration. My boss approved this.
When we arrived at the hotel the next day, we had a waiter take us to our VIP dining room. It was so beautifully decorated. I’ve never seen anything better anywhere in the world. Shortly after we sat down, we had another staff who came by and spoke to my boss briefly. They happen to be friends. She then introduced herself to us as the owner of the hotel.
After the first course, I needed to use the restroom. On my way there, I saw the owner and greeted her quickly and continued to the restroom. On my way back, she looked at me again and then asked me to come over. I went over and she asked me for my name. And like my previous experiences, when I told her she asked me for my dad’s name. And when I told her that she screamed and bowed her head. In just a few seconds, she was sobbing. As I moved to comfort her, she told me she was ok and I shouldn’t worry. I was confused so I asked her what was going on and it was in these next few minutes that I understood the experiences I had in my first few months at university.
She explained that my dad was a “wild one”. He was known across campus as the most notorious player. He impregnated a lot of girls and had them get abortions. She was one of those girls he impregnated at the time. But unlike the rest of them, she refused to get an abortion and was forced to drop out of school as her parents disowned her. She ended up opening a canteen which she used to take care of her child and herself and has since grown her business into this huge hotel.
She said she harboured so much unforgiveness in her heart towards my dad until her daughter’s 15th birthday. She said so much more but I would rather not write it all. I consoled her anyway and then asked about her daughter’s whereabouts and if she’d like to reconnect with my dad.
It’s been a week now since this incident. My dad is not ready to meet her. But my mum has met her and her daughter. I hope for a future when we can all be at peace.
“Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.” – Thomas Mann.