Eunice is my name, but my friends call me Nini. I grew up in a small and peaceful village in a country in West Africa. I am the youngest of 8 children; the only girl. One of my brothers passed away when I was barely 3 years old from a car accident. So now we are 7.
When I was quite young, I would rummage through the village for anything that caught my eyes and use whatever I found to make random items. I once made a toy car and gifted it to my immediate elder brother. Anytime my parents saw my creations, they would destroy them and scream at me for not spending my day cleaning the house or hand-washing everyone’s clothes. At some point, I lost interest in building things.
My 13th birthday was a turning point for me. Instead of the huge celebration my parents gave all of my brothers, I was called to a room and given instructions on how I should conduct myself as a female so that society doesn’t frown on me. After this lecture my parents and I went to the living room and we took pictures with my brothers. This was before I was forced to the kitchen to cook for everyone as I was told that women don’t rest. From this day on, I wasn’t able to go out except to school and to my immediate neighbour’s house only because all the children were female. It was brutal. I would watch my brothers go anywhere they wanted and at any time with no repercussions. All that was expected of them was to be home by 10 pm and to pass their exams at school.
I started resenting being female and for a few years I was what you’d call a “tom boy”. I refused to wear my clothes. I wore baggy pants and “wife-beaters” from my brothers’ closets. My parents were furious and spanked me almost everyday because of my dressing. I couldn’t care less. At that point I was hard as a rock; I could take the beating. Then one night I snuck out to a friend’s 16th birthday celebration. She had a few friends over at her house. We ate, gisted and played a ton of games. It was when I felt sleepy that I realized it was 9pm. I said my goodbyes and rushed home. When I got home I saw one of my brothers at the door waiting to get in too. We spoke briefly before my mother opened the door and he said he just got back from his girlfriend’s place. My mother let us in with a smile, told my brother to get some food from the kitchen and then she beat me mercilessly. Later that night I opened my window, jumped out and just kept walking.
I ended up sleeping by the roadside in a neighbouring village and the next afternoon I found a church and asked if I could do some work for them in exchange for food. They asked about my family and where I came from. I told them I ran away because some ritualists killed my family and tried to kill me too. They took me in and gave told me to clean the toilets daily. They also gave me a mattress to sleep on the floor with.
A few months later one of the pastors was moving to the city and needed someone to help him at his house. I volunteered to go with him and help as I was hoping to get a new lease on life. When we got to the city there wasn’t much to do in his house as he spent most of his time at the church. So I asked if he could assist with my education as I was bored. I let him know that I’d still cook and clean as usual but I needed to stimulate my mind. 3 years later, at the age of 19 I graduated from secondary school. I was the oldest in my class but I was glad that I made it through and at the top of my class.
Because of my performance I got a scholarship to study engineering. After working as an engineer for 2 years, I realized it wasn’t for me. So I eventually switched to advertising and brand management and I’m now a Vice President at one of the largest consumer goods companies in the world.
Looking back now, I realize that the tough and unfair upbringing I had is what has pushed me to the successful life I now enjoy. I have fought among men and succeeded. I do not take “no” as an answer and don’t think I ever will. I have given back to my village by building and funding schools. I didn’t want to say this, but none of my brothers is as successful as I am today. And I actually take care of 2 of them at the moment as they never graduated from secondary school. The ones that are married have wives who complain that they never help out and are always home late. I really can’t blame them. It’s what they were used to while growing up.
Anyway, I have a partner now. I feel like I’m too old to use the word “boyfriend” so I just say partner. I’m only 36 by the way. He has asked me to marry him twice already, but I’m worried that when we get married and start living together his expectations of me would be based on societal norms. We are still figuring that out, but I’m happy for now. And I’m still working on my relationship with my parents. I visit them often but the bond isn’t quite good yet.
